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Vale, Boris. I do hope he is taken to Reykjavík to be buried beside Fischer. (Incidentally, I met Bobby Fischer once, in Tokyo, and had lunch with him – one of the worst and longest lunches I’ve ever experienced. For fun, they had given us a chequered black and white table cloth, and it took the bastard three hours to pass the salt!
Oh, STOP IT. It’s a joke, Joyce.)
You will recall that fabulous Sydney sporting yarn from last year, when the tiny Massey Park Golf Club, which plays on a Concord Council course, took on Muirfield Golf Club in the finals of the NSW Metropolitan Men’s Major Pennants Division at Riverside Oaks, and “moidered da bums” to rise to the Division 1 Pennant comp this year. Well, last Sunday they made their debut at that elite level, taking on Concord at Concord … only to lose 7-0.
A lucky punch, I tell yers. The return bout is on Sunday at Massey Park. Watch this space.
And speaking of great yarns, you’ll also remember the story about that mate of mine, Paul Waterhouse, who, way back in 2016 had his name randomly called out at a GWS Giants match, and invited to have a go – at three-quarter time – to kick a football into a pile of Toyo tyres, 30 metres away, to have a chance at winning $100,000. Gawd help me if he didn’t nail it, straight down the slot, to live happily ever after!
Paul Waterhouse celebrates after his pinpoint kick won him $100,000.Credit: Getty Images
Anyhoo, the thing has become such a talking point that tomorrow they’re doing it again, at the season opener against Collingwood, but with a twist. They’ve asked Paul to have another go, but on behalf of another randomly picked fan. However – once bitten twice shy – this time they’ll make it from 40 metres, not 30, and it will be for the lesser sum of $20k, but still. If he can do it twice, the Giants should sign him up!
Look, I know I promised to stop sneering about the NRL’s Hangover II venture to Las Vegas, but I just can’t help myself. Having received such an overwhelming response to my piece on Thursday, I insist on reprising the best part.
See, the most breathless that the Fans With Typewriters And Microphones got in the lead-up to Vegas was when reporting on what American identities were going to turn up, after swallowing hook, line, sinkers and blinkers every name the NRL threw at them.
President Donald Trump might come! No, really! Or Dana White! Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson? Yes, maybe! At the very least, the Raiders are going after Tom Brady, to get him to blow the Raiders horn!
Hold the back page. And they did.
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In the end, all of the above turned out to be busy that day – Trump doing his best to destroy Ukraine – and they kept reaching ever further down the barrel of “available” until they got to – checks notes – Tyler Manoa, from the Las Vegas Raiders. True, Manoa is yet to play a single game of NFL, but look, at least he’s a member of the squad, and we can go with that. Hold the back page, I say!
And at least he blew the horn, yes? Like, we really had an NFL bloke blow the Canberra Raiders horn, and THAT was exciting, yes?
Yes. I concede that point. I could barely contain myself.
But to the best part of all, sports fans. For not long after blowing the horn, Mr Manoa was forcibly ejected from the stadium. Why? Apparently for beating up a bathroom in such egregious manner that security was called, and had to give him the bum’s rush.
In the words of a jocular Bryan Fletcher on The Matty Johns Show, “I know rugby league crowds can be rough. We’ve seen that over the years. But he fitted right in.”
They were right. “Simply the best!”
Greg Alexander during the Broncos’ romp over the Roosters on Thursday night, on how different Brisbane’s coach “Madge” Maguire would be finding coaching his new team after struggling for so long with the Tigers: “He’s no longer rowing a boat without oars.”
Former chess champion Boris Spassky: “Which do I prefer? Sex or chess? It depends on the position.” There’s a funny line here to do with a queen and a bishop, but that is as far as I am prepared to go. [See item.]
Spassky on Bobby Fischer: “When you play Bobby, it is not a question if you win or lose. It is a question if you survive.”
Paul Kent, to Danny Weidler, on doing his own thing from now on: “I’m looking forward to working for myself. I’m looking forward to having no HR department.”
Raiders coach Ricky Stuart addresses his players in Las Vegas.Credit: Canberra Raiders
Ricky Stuart after the Raiders won in Vegas having been tipped to run last this season: “It’s gonna be a tough competition, mate, if we’re gonna run last.”
Bikie turned golfer Ryan Peake on winning the NZ Open: “I’ve just changed my life. This is what I do. I just want to be here and play golf.”
Peter V’landys on the NRL’s Vegas extravaganza: “[The tourism chief] said they had a $100 million economic stimulus here in Vegas with the NRL being here.” How is Australians spending $100million of their hard-earned in American businesses something to boast about?
V’landys again: “I’m very confident that by year five, we’ll have a major impact here in America. I’m more confident now than I was last year.”
Peter V’landys and Andrew Abdo at Allegiant Stadium.Credit: NRL Photos
AFL commentator and my friend, Brian Taylor, on the critics: “I don’t give a shit about any of that. What I have learnt in this industry over a period of time, just do your job. Just do your job. If you worry about opposition, or what people think of you, you ain’t going to do a very good job.”
New Swans coach Dean Cox ahead of his first game in charge: “You know, be really hard on yourself with making sure that we’re getting everything out of every minute of the players at the footy club and also with that to try and keep them stimulated. So it’s about my wife and girls pulling me up and saying, all right, now you’re home, be present here.”
One of the Twitterati, after Roosters firebrand Victor Radley suffered a bad concussion against the Broncos, his sixth in three years: “Someone save Victor Radley from himself – a tonne of life to live post-footy.”
AFL commentator Gerard Whateley on the NRL going to Las Vegas, and pursuing other initiatives: “I did look at that again on the weekend and thought the sense of adventure and ambition actually serves their code really well. I just think our AFL world holds an arrogance towards the NRL, we are bigger by virtually every measure. [But] I just think we’re missing a couple of things they’re doing really well: State of Origin, which is undeniable, Opening Round, I think is a huge hit, and they had Magic Round long before we borrowed it and called it Gather Round. They’re onto a few things. Instead of just going: ‘It’s all razzmatazz to cover the fact their game is no good’. I would caution against that.”
Wayne Bennett on how the NRL can’t win with Cyclone Alfred: “If it had have been called off, you find fault with us, if we put it on, you’d find fault with us. They have done the right thing. It’s important to everyone involved in the game, the fans, the TV stations … we go back there are play our home game there later in the year. I think it was a great decision.”
Brisbane Broncos. Put 50 points on the Roosters in their opening match of the season, to announce their intent. Adam Reynolds and Ben Hunt were superb.
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GWS. Start their season on Sunday against Collingwood
Waratahs. Undefeated after two games and take on the Force on Saturday eveneing.
U-20 Socceroos. Won the Asian Cup – thank you, Marty Sheargold, that will be all – after a thrilling penalty shoot-out against Saudi Arabia.
Illawarra Hawks and Melbourne United. Competing in the NBL Grand Final. Nope. Me neither.
Bradley O’Dell. The 65-year-old became the first bowler in the history of Newcastle City Cricket to take all 10 wickets in an innings. He finished with the astonishing figures of 10-20 off 13.4 overs.
Vale, Boris. I do hope he is taken to Reykjavík to be buried beside Fischer. (Incidentally, I met Bobby Fischer once, in Tokyo, and had lunch with him – one of the worst and longest lunches I’ve ever experienced. For fun, they had given us a chequered black and white table cloth, and it took the bastard three hours to pass the salt!
Oh, STOP IT. It’s a joke, Joyce.)
You will recall that fabulous Sydney sporting yarn from last year, when the tiny Massey Park Golf Club, which plays on a Concord Council course, took on Muirfield Golf Club in the finals of the NSW Metropolitan Men’s Major Pennants Division at Riverside Oaks, and “moidered da bums” to rise to the Division 1 Pennant comp this year. Well, last Sunday they made their debut at that elite level, taking on Concord at Concord … only to lose 7-0.
A lucky punch, I tell yers. The return bout is on Sunday at Massey Park. Watch this space.
And speaking of great yarns, you’ll also remember the story about that mate of mine, Paul Waterhouse, who, way back in 2016 had his name randomly called out at a GWS Giants match, and invited to have a go – at three-quarter time – to kick a football into a pile of Toyo tyres, 30 metres away, to have a chance at winning $100,000. Gawd help me if he didn’t nail it, straight down the slot, to live happily ever after!
Paul Waterhouse celebrates after his pinpoint kick won him $100,000.Credit: Getty Images
Anyhoo, the thing has become such a talking point that tomorrow they’re doing it again, at the season opener against Collingwood, but with a twist. They’ve asked Paul to have another go, but on behalf of another randomly picked fan. However – once bitten twice shy – this time they’ll make it from 40 metres, not 30, and it will be for the lesser sum of $20k, but still. If he can do it twice, the Giants should sign him up!
Look, I know I promised to stop sneering about the NRL’s Hangover II venture to Las Vegas, but I just can’t help myself. Having received such an overwhelming response to my piece on Thursday, I insist on reprising the best part.
See, the most breathless that the Fans With Typewriters And Microphones got in the lead-up to Vegas was when reporting on what American identities were going to turn up, after swallowing hook, line, sinkers and blinkers every name the NRL threw at them.
President Donald Trump might come! No, really! Or Dana White! Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson? Yes, maybe! At the very least, the Raiders are going after Tom Brady, to get him to blow the Raiders horn!
Hold the back page. And they did.
Loading
In the end, all of the above turned out to be busy that day – Trump doing his best to destroy Ukraine – and they kept reaching ever further down the barrel of “available” until they got to – checks notes – Tyler Manoa, from the Las Vegas Raiders. True, Manoa is yet to play a single game of NFL, but look, at least he’s a member of the squad, and we can go with that. Hold the back page, I say!
And at least he blew the horn, yes? Like, we really had an NFL bloke blow the Canberra Raiders horn, and THAT was exciting, yes?
Yes. I concede that point. I could barely contain myself.
But to the best part of all, sports fans. For not long after blowing the horn, Mr Manoa was forcibly ejected from the stadium. Why? Apparently for beating up a bathroom in such egregious manner that security was called, and had to give him the bum’s rush.
In the words of a jocular Bryan Fletcher on The Matty Johns Show, “I know rugby league crowds can be rough. We’ve seen that over the years. But he fitted right in.”
They were right. “Simply the best!”
Greg Alexander during the Broncos’ romp over the Roosters on Thursday night, on how different Brisbane’s coach “Madge” Maguire would be finding coaching his new team after struggling for so long with the Tigers: “He’s no longer rowing a boat without oars.”
Former chess champion Boris Spassky: “Which do I prefer? Sex or chess? It depends on the position.” There’s a funny line here to do with a queen and a bishop, but that is as far as I am prepared to go. [See item.]
Spassky on Bobby Fischer: “When you play Bobby, it is not a question if you win or lose. It is a question if you survive.”
Paul Kent, to Danny Weidler, on doing his own thing from now on: “I’m looking forward to working for myself. I’m looking forward to having no HR department.”
Raiders coach Ricky Stuart addresses his players in Las Vegas.Credit: Canberra Raiders
Ricky Stuart after the Raiders won in Vegas having been tipped to run last this season: “It’s gonna be a tough competition, mate, if we’re gonna run last.”
Bikie turned golfer Ryan Peake on winning the NZ Open: “I’ve just changed my life. This is what I do. I just want to be here and play golf.”
Peter V’landys on the NRL’s Vegas extravaganza: “[The tourism chief] said they had a $100 million economic stimulus here in Vegas with the NRL being here.” How is Australians spending $100million of their hard-earned in American businesses something to boast about?
V’landys again: “I’m very confident that by year five, we’ll have a major impact here in America. I’m more confident now than I was last year.”
Peter V’landys and Andrew Abdo at Allegiant Stadium.Credit: NRL Photos
AFL commentator and my friend, Brian Taylor, on the critics: “I don’t give a shit about any of that. What I have learnt in this industry over a period of time, just do your job. Just do your job. If you worry about opposition, or what people think of you, you ain’t going to do a very good job.”
New Swans coach Dean Cox ahead of his first game in charge: “You know, be really hard on yourself with making sure that we’re getting everything out of every minute of the players at the footy club and also with that to try and keep them stimulated. So it’s about my wife and girls pulling me up and saying, all right, now you’re home, be present here.”
One of the Twitterati, after Roosters firebrand Victor Radley suffered a bad concussion against the Broncos, his sixth in three years: “Someone save Victor Radley from himself – a tonne of life to live post-footy.”
AFL commentator Gerard Whateley on the NRL going to Las Vegas, and pursuing other initiatives: “I did look at that again on the weekend and thought the sense of adventure and ambition actually serves their code really well. I just think our AFL world holds an arrogance towards the NRL, we are bigger by virtually every measure. [But] I just think we’re missing a couple of things they’re doing really well: State of Origin, which is undeniable, Opening Round, I think is a huge hit, and they had Magic Round long before we borrowed it and called it Gather Round. They’re onto a few things. Instead of just going: ‘It’s all razzmatazz to cover the fact their game is no good’. I would caution against that.”
Wayne Bennett on how the NRL can’t win with Cyclone Alfred: “If it had have been called off, you find fault with us, if we put it on, you’d find fault with us. They have done the right thing. It’s important to everyone involved in the game, the fans, the TV stations … we go back there are play our home game there later in the year. I think it was a great decision.”
Brisbane Broncos. Put 50 points on the Roosters in their opening match of the season, to announce their intent. Adam Reynolds and Ben Hunt were superb.
Loading
GWS. Start their season on Sunday against Collingwood
Waratahs. Undefeated after two games and take on the Force on Saturday eveneing.
U-20 Socceroos. Won the Asian Cup – thank you, Marty Sheargold, that will be all – after a thrilling penalty shoot-out against Saudi Arabia.
Illawarra Hawks and Melbourne United. Competing in the NBL Grand Final. Nope. Me neither.
Bradley O’Dell. The 65-year-old became the first bowler in the history of Newcastle City Cricket to take all 10 wickets in an innings. He finished with the astonishing figures of 10-20 off 13.4 overs.
It is a long established fact that a reader will be distracted by the readable content of a page when looking at its layout. The point of using Lorem Ipsum is that it has a more-or-less normal distribution
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